Written by single parenting contributor Crystal Hadidian.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas yesterday! For some families, there may be another Christmas celebration today or later in the week with more friends or relatives. I wish you continued blessings, whatever your holidays may look like.
This year, my son was with me on Christmas and will be spending time with his father later in the week. Last year was my first Christmas without my son. Not my first Christmas as a single parent, but my first Christmas where my son was with his father and not his mother.
I think I handled it pretty well, because I was careful to plan in advance some ways to make the actual day of Christmas extremely meaningful, and not depressing. For me, this included starting the morning off at a monastery for some reflection and solitude, and then ending the day with close friends who were both sensitive and cheerful.
I made some notes in my journal that year about what I would repeat and what I would do differently. I knew I would forget two years later, the next time I had a Christmas without my son.
This year, I realized it would be helpful to also do this for the years that he is with me on Christmas day. Just because I get to spend Christmas with him, doesn’t mean I am not still co-parenting with his father.
Whether you are a single parent or not, here’s a quick and easy activity you can do to make next year’s holiday season even better than this year:
Step 1:
Take some time this week to write down things that worked well. If you’re a single parent, make note of what seemed to help your children have a smooth transition between parents over the holidays.
Step 2:
Next, write about the things that were a bit more clunky or just downright stressful and frustrating. If needed, give yourself some time to calm down and think through what might work better next year.
You may have already realized these things and you just need to write them down. Or you may need to spend some time with a cup of tea and a good friend to process what happened, and what could realistically improve next year for your particular situation.
Step 3:
Look over everything you’ve written and rambled, then make a short, simple list of the positive things that worked and a few ideas for solutions for next year. Put this list in an envelope in the box with your Christmas decorations.
Next year in early December, you’ll start unpacking those ceramic camels and glittery stars and you won’t even have to try to remember where you left the list. Better yet, you don’t even have to remember to look up the list on your computer. You’ll start decorating and be reminded about what you learned the previous year, what you want to repeat, what you want to avoid.
This isn’t about trying to get it perfect; it’s about helping yourself remember all these things when next Christmas season rolls around, so that every year you can continue to increase the peace and joy as much as you can. Here’s to a great Christmas in 2013!
What did you do this year that helped your family have a more peaceful Christmas?
About Crystal
Great ideas for any type of family single or married. I know I need to add a few people to my Christmas Card list, and I need to add a few events we loved this year and note to toss a few that no longer seem to work well for our family. I also need to tweak the Christmas budget a little.
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We stopped traveling on Christmas. We see our respective families during other times of the year, when flights aren’t as crowded and there are no expectations to follow particular holiday traditions. Everyone is more relaxed, and Christmas is much less stressful now.
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We didn’t travel and it was awesome. I’m hoping it can become a yearly tradition of staying home!
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My husband just email me from work to remind him next year to take off the day or two after Christmas. A reminder in our Christmas decorations box is a great idea!
Great idea! After reading your post, I did the steps and it was nice to write it all out while the memories are still fresh. Thanks!
Less gifts. Not from Santa but from all the others…
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Thank you for this. Although I’m fortunate enough to be married to my children’s father and to celebrate holidays all together, I did grow up the product of a bitter divorce and the holidays were always miserable for all of us. As I’ve gotten older I’ve been able to sympathize with what my parents went through a bit more, but reading things like this always touch me. I wish they had been progressive enough to do things like this, but I realize they did they best they could with what they knew. Best wishes for you and your family and congratulations on being a thoughtful, caring parent and partner.
I let my daughter spend every Christmas Eve, into the afternoon of Christmas Day, with her father, because he & his wife also have a little boy & I feel it is important to keep the magic alive — which is simpler if they are able to wake up together Christmas morning to see what Santa brought. My hubz & I celebrate Christmas with her the weekend following Christmas, when Santa is kind enough to make a second stop. When my daughter asked why Santa was willing to do that for us, I explained that Santa of ALL people knows that the holidays are about FAMILY, & the actual day of celebration is entirely unimportant. Even Jesus’s birthday isn’t locked down to the correct date, so clearly it’s the intention of the season that matters, not what’s on the calendar. Doing our own celebration a few days later than everyone else is actually very relaxing, because all the pressure to get things right is OFF. Might not work for everyone, but it works for us REALLY well!
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What a great post. I love these do-able suggestions! It’s a neat treat for our 2013 selves. Thank you!
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In the last 48 hours, I’ve said at least 6 times “we need to remember to do (or not to do) ______ next year!” I was beginning to think that I was not being present enough, thinking so much about next year. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks forward.
Where would you put your notes if you don’t keep a journal??
See my post below and look for this link http://simplemom.net/yearly-planning-with-a-file-crate-system/ … this is the BEST for organizing little loose papers and invites and to-dos and coupons … just whatever! I started it this year and I love it. I’m an organized person, so it fit me well, but my disorganized friend (self-titled) says it helps her tons too.
This is definitely something I’d like to do this week. I was already making some mental notes, but physically writing a few bullet points down sounds like a good use of time. I feel like this week is all about reflection. I’ve always liked these last few days of the year – still magical, still sparkly, but a little less bustle.
I love this and it echoes what I was thinking I’d do … sort of a “bucket list” for next year. And, I am going to put my list in my file folder system which I developed after reading about it here: 52 hanging files (one for each week of the year). The Christmas prep list will go in the week before Thanksgiving so I have time to get things together — like our Jesse Tree (pop over to http://www.aholyexperience.com to download it for free) and calling Angel Tree to volunteer, getting a party of families together to do Operation Christmas Child Shoeboxes, etc. And the “don’ts” are : Don’t shop when everyone else is shopping. Don’t buy too much. Don’t focus on the “doing,” … when it gets too stressful, stop. Sit. Pray. Listen. Remember what Christmas is really about and review your list and don’t add anything that doesn’t add to the true purpose of the season. Thanks for this post!!