Simple Living Book Club » The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, by Steven Covey

Know WHAT deposits are

(36 posts)
12

  1. Tsh
    Lead Reader
    Thinking Reader

    I love the correlation between the love langauges and deposits, b/c I was thinking the same thing as I read this. And like the love langauges book says, so often it's easy to make deposits that WE would want, but it's much harder to go out of our way and make deposits that aren't natural for us, or that we wouldn't really appreciate.

    Like most of you, my DH likes physical touch and good food. He's an easy guy. He's also an introvert, so he likes quiet time.

    My DD, almost 5, needs quality time. She loves playing with us and acting out make believe stories. A few hours ago, we just had a family tea party, complete with invisible tea and wooden pastries. I had a lot to do, but hopefully stopping to do that made her feel loved.

    My DS, 2, loves snuggles and lap time. I'm always so surprised by this, b/c my daughter never really valued it too much. But my son... he loves early mornings when he's brought to bed to snuggle with mama, or to climb into my lap during storytime. I love it.

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    Posted 6 months ago #

  2. melaniem_22
    Member
    Thinking Reader

    My husband is much like everyone else's. So his deposits are:

    1. Happy clean home
    2. Packing a lunch for him
    3. Physical touch
    4. Encouraging him (instead of nagging or fighting)
    5. Really listening to him when he talks about work
    6. Showing interest in the new tools he bought
    7. Helping him get to work on time
    8. Giving him a kiss and a hug a few times a day
    9. Telling him I love him
    10. Cooking for him

    DS (2 yrs old)
    1. Playing with him
    2. Taking him outside
    3. Holding him when he wants it
    4. Rubbing his head
    5. Give him a little massage after bath
    6. Singing to him
    7. Reading to him
    8. Keeping his room neat and organized
    9. Engaging him in his activities
    10. Taking him for walks

    Posted 6 months ago #

  3. susanvanrdam
    Member
    Reader

    Wow, this post really has me thinking. I am making deposits every day for my family members, but I need to do more (yikes-I'm barely keeping the routine I have going now!) There has to be a way I can squeeze in some quality time with my kids, even if its for a few moments. I sat in their playroom yesterday and my preschooler was so excited that I was going to play-that really made me feel bad. I'm happy that he wants to play, but that he got so excited over something so simple....I have to re-evaluate my priorities. I think deposits I make for the entire family are cooking fresh food (most of the time) keeping a generally happy demeanor, even after some not so good days, and keeping to our rhythm-everyone in this family seems to feel better sticking to some sort of routine. I need to show more affection to my husband (I used to lavish affection on him in the beginning of our relationship-now we're married with kids!) but we both feel better with some sort of physical contact. I also try to have the kids bathed before he comes home from work and I am usually the one waking up with the boys on the weekend. My preschooler demands a lot of attention and shows a bit of jealousy towards his younger brother (now younger brother is also showing jealousy as well...) I think they both need quality time alone with Mama and Papa (and we need to make it a priority) I've been thinking lately that both of their behavior has been out of sorts lately, and this could very well be the reason. For me, I just enjoy my coffee and food while they are still hot. And sleep. Thanks for making me stop to think.

    Posted 6 months ago #

  4. melissa
    Member
    Reader

    This is a great topic. It's great to force us to think about how we are each uniquely wired & love to be loved in different ways. I'd say my hubby loves to have quiet time to listen to music, play guitar, etc. He is a bit of dreamer & so interacting w/ people all day sort of drains him. Of course the challenge is that I am desperate for adult conversation most evenings after hanging out w/ the preschoolers all day :)! So he loves me by engaging in conversation & pursuing my heart, and also by helping out around the house. DD9 loves alone time to read, but also loves to share about what she's reading. Also gifts really go a long way w/ her. DD8 loves physical touch & focused attention & lots of praise. DD5 loves attention & being in charge. She loves to choose the activity & game! DD4 loves snuggling, books, & lots of tickling.

    Posted 6 months ago #

  5. Stacie@HobbitDoor
    Member
    Reader

    My husband is definitely a physical touch and words of affirmation guy. Also, he needs "downtime" as a family and less "project/list time." I like to get things done and then we can relax but he would rather relax and ramp up to things. I feel by doing it "his way" that is making a deposit for him.

    Our daughter is 14mos old and it amazes me how much she craves Mommy and Daddy time together! She thrives on having both of our attention at the same time. She also LOVES to see Mommy and Daddy being affectionate to each other not just with her. She also needs to be "listened" to--I have no idea what she is saying but she will come up to me multiple times a day with a very long story/opinion on something. I know I make deposits when I stop what I'm doing just to listen. :) She also needs "listening" more than cuddling when she's hurt. I'm loving watching her grow and develop and learning new ways to pour into her little personality.

    Posted 6 months ago #

  6. Laura @ Bythebushel
    Member
    Thinking Reader

    Last week, I read this and found immediate answers to things so obvious. I have a hard time managing kids in the neighborhood, who drop by and want to play. This sounds nice but often it really cuts into time I might cut loose and play with kids. Basketball in yard, walk down street, nature walk in yard,... These are biggies for me and oldest 6yo son. Youngest is much same way. I requested from neighbor ( who often everyday sends children out to play, to my house) to call before kids come. I plan to occasionally let this happen, but I really need this time to pull the house together, get the kids on board for a good evening(deposit for dh).
    If the kids don't feel a part of the effort to keep the order, and do not participate in the cleaning, dinner table setting, etc. the evening seems to fall apart. (and dh doesn't get the deposit he needs with calm, peaceful refuge from work).
    dh needs:
    order, planning, respect, appreciation, affection, my active participation in play with family.... among a few things.
    my needs: expressions of love, hugs, conversation, verbal support/affirmation of our home & family mission,
    son 6 yo: interaction & play in games & activities, reading together, reward for service & good behavior, hugs, special treats shared- hot chocolate, icecream. being involved in a project.
    son 3 yo: stickers! ? unbelievable need for 1 sticker to hold, conversation, race cars, reading favorite books, favorite songs, affirmations of his friends & interests(not just his brothers which usually sets the precedent)

    these were the first things that came to mind. I need to study them a little more, think and refine this list, because I really think this is where the connections are made! Seeing what makes people tick... I've always thought the love language idea is a good one, but haven't really put much into studying up & using it. But know enough to think its right in keeping with this book & idea of deposits.

    So glad to see so many people participating- it is really helping me seeing others reading this book & your responses, Thanks!

    Posted 5 months ago #

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