http://simplemom.net/forum/ Real discussion over practical books en Thu, 09 Sep 2010 20:17:27 +0000 http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/what-matters-most-what-matters-least#post-463 Tue, 13 Apr 2010 01:50:32 +0000 organizedmama 463@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I just want to say thank you for choosing this book. We started having family dinner each night at the table, instead of in front of the tv or the computers and it is amazing. I can talk to my husband, we can both talk to the kids and we can just relax. It's nothing fancy just us and our food and plates and chatter. I love it. I feel a real connection to my husband and I can almost feel him relaxing and settling in to be home. I feel more relaxed and I can see why family dinners can connect a family and make memories and meaning. Without reading this book, we would probably still be eating as a family but in front of the tv and never knowing what we were missing! </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/define-synergy#post-462 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 18:51:43 +0000 organizedmama 462@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>You are so correct, I totally feel that is a business buzz word. But in our family I think it means helping each other. For example if we are going out we all help each other find shoes (we never know where the kids shoes are!!) and my oldest helps us to make sure we have all we need (diapers, snacks, cameras, etc.) We also all help with other things like emptying the dish washer, food shopping, etc. As a family we need to work together and work as a team and that to me is synergy at our home. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/do-opposites-attract-in-marriage#post-461 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 18:48:40 +0000 organizedmama 461@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>My husband &amp; I compliment each other. I am organized (overly) he is not so much. He is more daring and laid back, I'm more uptight. When we first met we were like most people just in that lovey- dovey phase where there are not bad habits that bother. As time went on and we married and lived together, I would get upset that he was messy or does things whenever where I am a planner, but after the 5th year or so and then more so after we had kids, I realized we are partners and we should support each other. I don't get bugged by his habits. I enjoy cleaning the house and taking care of things for my family because that is one way I show them love. I think you need to do that, you need to just get used to the other person in your marriage and they need to get used to you, otherwise you will use the little things against each other. </p> <p>I think our differences are really helpful to our family. Like I said I am the planner, cleaner, budgeter, rational person, but also crafty so I can share that with the kids. He likes to have fun and take challenges and is more daring and very caring so the kids get the best of both worlds- fun and adventure and a more grounded experience. I am also very spirtual and take the kids to church and Sunday School, where my husband is not, but we've never had any differences on that issue. So it is a nice mix in our family. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/evaluating-advising-probing-or-interpreting#post-460 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 18:41:42 +0000 organizedmama 460@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>My toddler has been vry frustated lately, lack of communication, older brother, typical toddler issues, plus she can not hear out of one of her ears, so it's a little more frustrating for her than usual. But when I read the suggestion one person had in the book to sit and play with your child for 30 mins on the floor, it was a lightbulb moment. I know it's hard at that age to communicate what they are thinking, but I have noticed that any undivided time I spend with her is well recieved. I am going to spend more time each day just playing and letting other things go aside- like cleaning! </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/cultivating-an-understanding-culture#post-455 Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:49:45 +0000 Laura @ Bythebushel 455@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>Just finished reading the story beginning on 218 about 'Negative Baggage', thinking 'oh I don't really need this one,'... but as it turns out, the way these folks processed their issues provided huge insights into my world. I realize even tho this situation is between 'ex's' it reminded me of myself with my kids and my husband. I will often not listen, and determine until their is appropriate behavior &amp; action from my kids I won't deem their issue worthy of discussion. They really won't care what I'm saying until they know how much I care. As usual, alot of this in the book seems to come full circle, utilization of 4 gifts, &amp; imagining how it can be different than how I think it 'should' be. Even, dare I say, letting go of some of my parenting expectations or ideals &amp; using my independent will to try something different.<br /> I don't like empathizing with a whining child. But like the example Sandra gave about taking a few minutes to resolve with her daughter what was really bothering her, really did move them on to meeting both of their needs.<br /> Their story about the Frigidaire hits home with me. It's amazing how their are irrational things or ideals we can hold on to, or our spouses that we may deem 'crazy' but theirs something comforting or even foundational we or they just don't understand.<br /> I feel the same way about 'State Farm' Insurance. And the more my husband understands how important caring for his family was and that I saw it demonstrated in his pursuit of relationships with individuals who had stood by him, we began to compromise &amp; be able to work out small practical details with sensitivity.<br /> The poem personifying someone's vulnerability in this chapter will be one I'll use for a very long time. I have felt very 'imposed' upon, which sounds rediculous, because small children not only 'impose' but posess one's life. Even when alternative care is available, sometimes sickness and schedules just don't allow for psychological - oxygen. I've got to remember in these times, that if 'mommy needs some' psychological oxygen, probably my kids do too. They sense the stress and out of-wackness that I'm feeling too. And their coping mechanisms are often interpreted as 'acting out/up'.<br /> Sounds like life, and I'm so glad I am reading this book. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/cultivating-an-understanding-culture#post-451 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 23:42:49 +0000 Laura @ Bythebushel 451@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>Modeling the right behavior. Jeannie really said it well. 'I'm going to start...' That's the key. Waiting on other people to 'understand us' isn't usually going to happen. Modeling works with other adults, not just children.<br /> This makes me think of the movie 'Fireproof' and The Love Dare. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/do-opposites-attract-in-marriage#post-447 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 03:11:39 +0000 MB Squared 447@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>We have been married for some time, however came to parenting later in life through adoption. Our relationship definitely have changed since we became parents, however our core is deep down the same. We are good contrasts for each other. I am the CFO, he is the CEO. I am task-oriented, he is people-oriented. Right now, it is a challenge to spent time together when we are exhausted, we usually get whatever left over of each other at the end of the day. Fortunately, we are patient people and know this phase will past when our children become more independently and I stop working out of the home. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/evaluating-advising-probing-or-interpreting#post-446 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:53:55 +0000 JenT 446@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>ajjones - I can relate, my husband isn't interested in reading it either and sometimes, if I read something out of it, he starts dismissing it before I get to the jist! </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/do-opposites-attract-in-marriage#post-445 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:01:59 +0000 ajjones510 445@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>My husband and I have been talking about this recently. We've realized that after almost seven years of marriage we don't really have as much in common as we did when we were first married or when we were dating. We've grown in different areas of our lives and while it's not a bad thing it does leave us feeling a little bit like "Well, now what do we do?". </p> <p>It's good in some ways. He's into politics and current events while I am not. He keeps me informed on what I need to know while helping shield my sensitive heart and mind from the things I don't care to hear about. I'm into healthy living and being frugal and he appreciates what I do in that area for our family. Then again he's all technology (he's in IT so he can't really help it) and I am more earthy. He likes reading about the newest gadgets. I like reading about simplifying life. :)</p> <p>We are trying to find new things we can enjoy together, and as a family, that appeals to everybody. So far we've spent more time outdoors. Which is actually a new area of growth for him. He used to be anti-outdoors!</p> <p>We were way more alike when we were dating and early on in our marriage so it's hard to be here and suddenly realize you don't have that much in common anymore. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/do-opposites-attract-in-marriage#post-444 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:03:49 +0000 Tsh 444@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>Think of when you were first dating (and in your early honeymoon stage with) your spouse. What were the obvious differences between you? Were they annoying or endearing?</p> <p>Has your opinion of these differences changed? Are these differences as powerful? Are they even there anymore?</p> <p>In what way have you used your differences to enhance your family's unity? </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/define-synergy#post-443 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:01:56 +0000 Tsh 443@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>To me, "synergy" is one of those buzzwords used around conference tables in business meetings. But it definitely has meaning for families, and its place in the home can be powerful.</p> <p>What does it mean to you? What does it look like in your family? </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/scarcity-vs-abdunance-mentality#post-442 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:42:37 +0000 Laura @ Bythebushel 442@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>We are facing a time in our family( a move) where we will be making changes, and losing opportunites to know our community &amp; our current activities.<br /> I am actively working on making choices to connect when we arrive, and talking about new friends we'll make. I want kids to appreciate those we'll leave, and have a positive outlook as well. Grieve, but look forward, in a healthy way.<br /> I am going to focus on future, of our hopes, what we can look forward to, our home, treehouse (?) swim lessons (?) lake time with canoe (?) and most of all enjoying time with Mom &amp; Dad &amp; brother. The challenge is that I am sad too, and curling up in a box sounds really good to me. So I'm putting this principle to the test! :) </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/scarcity-vs-abdunance-mentality#post-441 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:38:05 +0000 Laura @ Bythebushel 441@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I was challenged this year to incorporate gratitude in my day more deliberately by<br /> aholyexperience.com through the gratitude community. the group is counting to 1000 in their blogs, or personal journals 1000 gifts. I realized it is a vital component of my faith in God that I was lacking. In a serious way. It really has helped me to point the way to see and be thankful for what I have and not feed on the desire for more of whatever I think I'm lacking. Be it tangible or otherwise. The otherwise is the kicker. We can easily see, (maybe not so easily)how to part with our material possessions, but its those mental crutches that are really stumbling blocks for me. Stumbling blocks to my faith &amp; trust in God, and stumbling blocks to my family's happiness ('if momma ain't happpy, ain't nobody happy' please restate in your accepted vernacular). But as I drag around worrying about xyz... I'm dragging the ship down. If I wake in the morning thankful for abundance of goodness, not focusing on the few things that challenge my day, then I'm more inclined to help my kids see, without lecturing them or even being as specific as a journal with them(which I don't think is a bad thing), how to have an abundant attitude, positive attitude. Not naive, but positive.<br /> Years ago, my mom retired from a position in the community. She had taken it by the horns and wrestled it to the ground. And although it had been attended to with the best that was available, she took it to a whole nuther level, receiving national recognition and contributing to creating a sense of unity in a now widely-desired city/community. When the newspapers wrote up comments at her going away party(we moved), it was said 'can't &amp; no aren't in (her) vocabulary'. I'm thankful for mom, because she never complains, seldom if ever. Even when others are unmotivated &amp; lacking the will to do so, she jumps in and gets everyone going. Her mother lived through the depression as well as losing a husband at a very early age, and I believe she saw what her mother did to see the abundance in life even when the chips are down. I know it had an influence on all of her children and all those who knew her, her grandchildren too.<br /> 'Her chidlren will rise up, and call her blessed' Prov. 31 </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/how-well-do-you-know-your-children#post-440 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:11:24 +0000 Laura @ Bythebushel 440@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I first started to think I don't know mine very well, but after reading these I think it's just something- I don't assess very much. (area in need of improvement).<br /> My oldest loves to have a costume for every activity. He's very intuitive, sensitive, thoughtful. He's very bright. (no genes of mine, lol) He really appreciates attention through play, games, interaction. He is very capable of communication with just about anybody. One thing I'm realizing... when he becomes upset, he's often embarassed about not getting it right, whatever it is. He's one of those kids who 'can't stop crying' even when the event is over. He has to be talked back down the mountain of despair, back into reconciliation. We've made alot of progress by being careful not to escalate(provoke to wrath) an emotional situation. I just wish I had a better handle on many other things. I like what ajjones said about (being sure little one's get time to talk). We try to work on not interrupting too, and to add to that, also respecting adults in conversation. Allowing mom &amp; dad to converse, or other adults that are visiting, so not to have anyone dominating the conversation, table or otherwise. But the challenge is to not overdue, and miss out on the child's opportunity to share with parents.<br /> Don't you find kids opening up in the car is always the way? we've had some pretty significant conversations in the car. I hear it's because mom/dad have to look forward, less opportunity for direct eye contact &amp; the full weight of scrutiny. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/cultivating-an-understanding-culture#post-439 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:26:54 +0000 Jeannie 439@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I'm going to start with myself. I'm going to make an effort to choose not to be offended when my husband or daughter disagree with me. I'm going to do my best to pause and think rather than react to situations. I'm also going to try be a better listener by mirroring what they say rather than assuming I know where they're coming from and where they're going. I'd also like to do a better job of explaining my own thoughts and feelings rather than expecting people to read my mind. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/how-well-do-you-know-your-children#post-438 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:14:26 +0000 Jeannie 438@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>At this point, I think I know my daughter pretty well. At three and a half, she is what euphemists call "spirited." She is intelligent, energetic, passionate, and has a fabulous sense of humor. She can also be stubborn, resistant to change, and overwhelmed by her emotions. She likes adventure, exploration, learning, friends, snacks, Ramona Quimby, and Phineas &amp; Ferb. She dislikes doing anything without understanding the reason for it, having to eat anything new at dinner, and people leaving the house without hugs and kisses first.</p> <p>We get to know her by spending time with her, talking to her. We've always asked her billions of questions (even before she could answer) and taken time to explain things to her. In the car, at meals, playing games, we talk--talk about what we're thinking, what we did that day, what cool things happened that day. When she's upset or confused or in trouble, we talk about what happened, how she feels, and what we need to do to make things better. I'm hoping we can maintain that communication always. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/evaluating-advising-probing-or-interpreting#post-437 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:31:05 +0000 Jeannie 437@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>My natural inclination would be to advise or to probe. For me, I think it goes back to habit 1 and learning to push the pause button. If I can manage to hold my tongue for a few seconds and just process what I've been told, that's half the battle. From there, mirroring what the person has said, or restating it as I understand it, will usually be enough to lead that person to elaborate. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/evaluating-advising-probing-or-interpreting#post-436 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:39:05 +0000 ajjones510 436@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I am the advisor.</p> <p>I have always been the person people bring their troubles too. I honestly believe that God has a calling on my heart for listening to others and helping them work through things. While I feel I am good at listening and being empathetic, I am also quick to try to help and I am working on this. Mostly with my 20 year old sister in law that lives with us. I just want to help and give her good advice but I've had to tell myself (in my head) to just listen to her and try to get her to figure it out on her own.</p> <p>But I think what gets me the most when I read this is how desperately I wish my husband would catch on to this concept. He's done better in a lot of ways in the almost 7 years we've been married but he still misses the mark quite a bit. I realized one day that I didn't want to tell him things anymore because of the way he often reacted. Not that he was mean nor do I think he did it purposely but I felt dismissed or like I was silly or ridiculous. We have an amazing marriage compared to most couples in our generation and age range but we have some really small road blocks... or maybe they are just large pot holes... that we could really use some work on. </p> <p>I've read some great books on marriage and now on family but I just can't get him into reading them. So, I try to live out the principles I am learning and hope he catches on to change. I just wish I could get him to read this book. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/evaluating-advising-probing-or-interpreting#post-435 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:54:07 +0000 JenT 435@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I am an evaluator/interpreter (I'll blame it on my training and years of work as a research scientist :)!), but I have been trying to work on just listening and reminding myself "Just listen!", instead of trying to butt in with my immediate assessment of the situation. I have a bad habit of even interupting to give my opinion and I am really working on stopping this. I'm not sure that "just listening" is what Covey had in mind, but starting from my incredibly egocentrical non-empathetic starting point this is what I do. I've been working on this with my kids for 3 years now and, honestly, I find it easier with them. With adults/friends/family, I am so in the habit of responding reactively that I really have to work on changing this, and I haven't got beyond the just listen stage. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/win-lose-lose-win-or-win-win#post-434 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:45:12 +0000 JenT 434@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>"if she is adamantly refusing then she is choosing to "lose" and it's not always something a parent can control and I think we need to remember that." </p> <p>Thanks for writing this ajjones! It is something I need to remember - I can't control everything! </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/scarcity-vs-abdunance-mentality#post-433 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:26:27 +0000 organizedmama 433@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>We practive gratitude daily. I am always reminding my children to be thankful and gives thanks for all we have. I am always thanking my husband for working so hard so that I can have these years at home with our kids. When I was growing up abundance was how I thought the world should be, the more I had or could get the more I felt like people cared (my parents were divorced), when I moved out and finished college I realized that I didn't want to be the abundance person anymore. In our home we practice giving things away we can no longer use/outgrow, fixing things instead of buying new and wearing clothes as long as possible and mending what we have. I know lots of people who think more is better and bigger is better, but we are happy with making do with what we have. I love the saying less is more. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/punishment-vs-discipline#post-432 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:22:37 +0000 organizedmama 432@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I do disciplining. I think of punishment as an archaic term or what a court passes out to people. I try to discipline via learning. I don't believe in any physical punishments what so ever. No matter how bad my children are behaving. Really bad behavior usually means they are tired, so by understanding that, I can advise them to go and lie down or to go relax. We do time outs in our home and then we talk about why the bad behavior was not right and the child needs to apologize to the person/animal they offended. Such as pushing the dog, because you are frustrated. Take a time out, talk about treating animals well, talk about times when we drop food off the the SPCA and how lucky we are to have a dog, and give the dog a hug. Yes my children can get hyper and out of hand, but for the most part, by respecting them (especially as they get older) and talking things through, they behave. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/win-lose-lose-win-or-win-win#post-431 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:11:19 +0000 organizedmama 431@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I think when you are parenting small children (and maybe older ones too, but I haven't reached that stage in life :) ), most days your life is a win-lose situation. Small children can't fully express themselves, so sometimes they will go to battle over the silliest thing and as a mom sometimes giving in to them each time they throw their food off the table to the dog, is easier than trying to explain and correct the behavior- you know it will pass and they won't be doing that at the age of 15. Mom is usually on the lose side, because mom has to clean up the mess, pick up the toys, clean up after the pets, console a tired child who is freaking out in the grocery store. I also find that in order to do all of my motherly duties I end up in a win lose situation because I have to forgo relaxing or reading in many cases. Plus I know my husband works very hard all day long so I try to let him be the one to relax and I keep cleaning up or I DVR a show so he can watch tv. Outside of the home I focus on creating a win win situation with friends and those around me. I learned to not always have to be right or to get the last word, sometimes if you look ahead to the bigger picture or the end result, you'll see how aiming for the best outcome for all involved is the best thing to do. I think you also have to remember that you never know what caused someone to be in a mood or how their day is going. The kind neighbor who complains about your dog one morning, may have just found out her spouse is sick, so instead of complaining back about her dog, just accept it for what it is and move on. You should aim for all the win- wins you can get. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/how-well-do-you-know-your-children#post-430 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:04:12 +0000 ajjones510 430@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>With the younger set I think it's about giving them ample time to really talk. The other night we made sure Dahlia (3.5) had the spotlight for talking time at the table and boy, she had a lot to say. She talked about her friends at school and what she did at home that day and even told her daddy "Let me tell you a story" and proceeded to share a story about a school friends thunderstorm experience. </p> <p>Letting her know it was her time to shine really helped her to open up. A lot of times at the table the adults get so caught up in conversation (My husbands 20 year old sister lives with us so there are 3 adults) and she interrupts to say something and then gets disciplined for interrupting. </p> <p>And for me... I know Dahlia pretty well. She's with me all the time other then the few mornings she goes to a little church preschool. I think for us it's more about getting her to open up about her feelings and what she is dealing with as a part of our family and at this age it takes some creativity to get them to do that since they don't always have the words to put with the emotions or feelings. </p> <p>I am also working on learning new things she would have interest in. We get caught up playing the same game (school) over and over again and she could be totally content playing that every day, all day. It's my job to open her up to new experiences so she has new ideas and concepts to play out. </p> <p>She knows what she wants and she will do whatever it takes to get it. I admire that in her although it can be hard to deal with at times. I know she will use that skill in life. It's just fine tuning it so that she understands to work hard for what she wants but is also willing to compromise when needed. </p> <p>She is afraid of a lot of things. Mostly the unknown or the made up. "What was that noise?" "Is that a scary monster?" and so on. We are trying to be as careful with this one as possible not to dismiss fears but also not to allow them to run her life. </p> <p>And another thing on getting below the surface with young ones. Listen when they play. A lot of times they will open up to something through play that they wouldn't just come out and tell you. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/win-lose-lose-win-or-win-win#post-429 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:49:00 +0000 ajjones510 429@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>JenT - </p> <p> I've had this exact situation quite a few times. </p> <p> One night I did close to the same thing. I was bathing the baby and I told my 3.5 year old to get into the tub. She kept playing and I told her again and she said "I don't want to take a bath tonight". So, I let it go. I just continued on with her brother and let her play on. When bedtime rolled around she went over to her bookshelf and grabbed a book and said "Let's read this book!" and I looked at her and said "I don't want to read a book tonight". I explained to her how I had asked her to do something that was important to me and important for her and how it can be upsetting when somebody acts the say she did. She really got the point but it certainly wasn't win-win. It was very sad for both of us.</p> <p> I would say if you are in a situation where the bath isn't really that important then maybe involve him in helping you bathe the baby that night. I know I've let my daughter skip bath time when she wasn't in that great of a need of one in order to play with daddy, who just got home from a business trip or other important circumstances. I think you just need to make sure you go about it in a way that they don't see it as "I won, she gave in". Make it more of a compromise. "If you would like to skip your bath tonight, that would be fine but I could really use some help with the baby. Can you bring me a washcloth?" Even if that's all he does and then he goes back to playing at least you've set up your compromise. </p> <p> Then on those nights when she needs a bath and she is just being "3" about getting in the tub, it's not her choice. She needs one and I told her she needs one and that is how it is going to be. I will do my best to try to make it fun and make it a win win but if she is adamantly refusing then she is choosing to "lose" and it's not always something a parent can control and I think we need to remember that.</p> <p> Then again, I once put her in the tub with all her clothes on because she was refusing to get undressed. ;) </p> <p> Man, I have a lot of scenarios that fit in the win-lose or lose-lose column. </p> <p> I am working on it though! </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/punishment-vs-discipline#post-428 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:26:34 +0000 ajjones510 428@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>I am struggling with this right now.</p> <p>Our daughter is 3.5 and we have had a TON of major changes in the past few months that have really poked a stick in the spokes of family life. We started packing to move into a new house, moved and had a baby in THE SAME WEEKEND and my husband started traveling every week and only coming home on weekends. We also took a family vacation with our inlaws for Christmas. All of these things have really taken a toll on this little girl and it took me a while to realize how deeply she was struggling with it. </p> <p>Finally seeing how much she was hurting, frustrated, unsure of what to do with herself, has really changed how I handle punishment and discipline. I'm still struggling a little to see the differences sometimes but I am really trying. </p> <p>I think it was the story of the little boy who kept getting punished for going around the corner and after being punished over and over he finally said "But Daddy, What does corner mean?". Dang... I can't even type it without tearing up. That made me look at her situation with totally different eyes. (This might have been in a different chapter... sorry if I am off).</p> <p>It's a day by day learning process. Somedays I have more patience than others (aka somedays I've gotten more sleep than others) and I do better. I am trying to become more creative in my discipline. </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/cultivating-an-understanding-culture#post-427 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:34:05 +0000 Tsh 427@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>What are some specific ways you can cultivate a more "understanding culture" in your home? </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/evaluating-advising-probing-or-interpreting#post-426 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:32:46 +0000 Tsh 426@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>Review the ideas of reacting instead of empathetic listening (pg. 225). In which way are you most likely to default in your immediate response: evaluating, advising, probing, or interpreting?</p> <p>In thinking about this natural response, how could you rework it to be more like empathetic listening? </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/how-well-do-you-know-your-children#post-425 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:28:05 +0000 Tsh 425@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>How well do you feel like you know each of your children? Can you name their strengths, their weaknesses, their likes, their dislikes?</p> <p>How can we get to know them better? In a deep, honest way, getting below the surfaces... Particularly, what are some ways we can do this with young children? </p> http://simplemom.net/forum/topic/win-lose-lose-win-or-win-win#post-424 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 23:01:49 +0000 JenT 424@http://simplemom.net/forum/ <p>This sort of relates to the discipline/punishment post, but as a direct example I will write about a night my son (aged 3) and I had about a month ago. I was ill and my husband was away and my son was testing limits (not an unusual occurrence, but paired with my state of health and the time of evening, I was "at the end of my rope"). I had asked him to get in the tub multiple times. His sister was essentially finished bathing, the water was rapidly getting cold and he was not cooperating, so I set an ultimatum (dumb, dumb, dumb). "Get in the tub by the count of 5 or there will be no bedtime story!" My boy continued to prance around the living room, I counted, more prancing, so I picked him up, stripped him down and bathed him. He was actually quite happy to be in the tub, so while he played there, I dressed and read to my daughter, then I got him out, brushed teeth and popped him into bed. That's when the tears started. His and then mine. I felt so bad, because story time is one of our best, together/cuddle times. I stuck to my guns and didn't give in, in spite of all our tears, but for the rest of the week this was a topic of conversation between us. Who won? Well, obviously I won the "get in the bath part", but honestly, I felt like I lost and so did he, so hopefully it won't be repeated anytime soon. In retrospect, I know I should have done it differently and this kind of situation isn't the norm around here. Usually I have far more patience and creativity to get me through the day, but if I were alone with the kids and that sick all over again, I honestly don't know what I would do to make it win-win. Maybe just skip the bath??? </p>