Kids: Developing Character

by Robin Dance on May 10, 2013 • 20 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Everyday mentors and village people

I was a bystander this time, an observer, learning a lesson again I am so quick to forget:

Words are powerful and persuasive and have the capacity to change lives.

I know this, I even live it, but watching and witnessing a relative stranger speak wisdom into my teen son’s life, I saw it fresh, new. The conversation’s effect was palpable–you could almost see wheels turning in my boy’s head.

We were at the periodontist’s office, a consultation for upcoming dental surgery. Because Dr. M had treated my daughter a few years ago, we were already acquainted. I remembered how much I appreciated his chair-side manner, but I had forgotten how likeable and engaging he was.

Dr. M, cordial but professional to me, directed his attention toward my son. Thomas was wearing clothes for soccer, since he’d leave his appointment and go straight to practice.
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by Robin Dance on March 27, 2013 • 68 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Parenting teens: consequences, peer pressure and making a way out

Two painful truths I’ve learned in parenting teens are:

good kids “do” (where the “do” manifests itself in many ways, shapes, and forms), and
your children will make choices that disappoint you.

This shouldn’t come as any big surprise, but when (not if) something happens, we’re still bewildered.

Maybe all the signs were there, but you missed them. Work or marital issues or financial stresses or any number of distractions are blinding. And sometimes we simply don’t see what we don’t want to see.

Hear me clearly: this is no message of condemnation or finger pointing; it’s one of understanding, and, if you’re willing to receive it as intended, cautionary counsel. It’s at minimum a foolish posture to presume “My child would never do that!” – and potentially dangerous.

Disappointing choices come in broad spectrum, from academic under-achieving to zany videos on youtube. The consequences are equally diverse.

One of the most important goals in parenting is training your children to consider the consequences of their choices before making decisions, followed by allowing them to bear the consequences of poor decisions without bailing them out.
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by Sarah Mae on January 8, 2013 • 25 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

8 ways to nurture a child’s soul

The following is a guest post from Sarah Mae.

I am a nurturer of souls, and so are you.

We moms (and really, all people) have the opportunity to influence the souls of the children in our care. It can feel overwhelming, just thinking about what that means; that we are capable of cultivating a whole life, beginning in the inner most parts of a being. It’s staggering, really, what we are capable of if we are intentional and loving.

In pondering the significance of our influence, I’d like to offer a few ways you can nurture a child’s soul.

Be a sorter of their tangles.

How tender is a young heart, and how easily wounds fester. I’m 32 and I wonder at the wounds in my own heart. I feel more untangled now than ever; freedom is all over me because I have understanding – I’ve lived and I’ve fought for freedom.

My little ones, they don’t understand the fullness of forgiveness and brokenness and pain and injustice. They haven’t lived enough. It’s confusing for them; they just know how they feel. I’m the sorter-outer.

We, us mamas and daddies, we’re the ones who have to keep at the sorting. We must keep on listening, really listening, discerning, and teaching our babes so they can be open to freedom. With compassion, patience, and time we give ourselves to the work of sorting the heart strings so one day they’ll be open to having them tied up new and beautiful.
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by Crystal on December 26, 2012 • 13 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

How to make next Christmas even better

Written by single parenting contributor Crystal Hadidian.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas yesterday! For some families, there may be another Christmas celebration today or later in the week with more friends or relatives. I wish you continued blessings, whatever your holidays may look like.

This year, my son was with me on Christmas and will be spending time with his father later in the week. Last year was my first Christmas without my son. Not my first Christmas as a single parent, but my first Christmas where my son was with his father and not his mother.

I think I handled it pretty well, because I was careful to plan in advance some ways to make the actual day of Christmas extremely meaningful, and not depressing. For me, this included starting the morning off at a monastery for some reflection and solitude, and then ending the day with close friends who were both sensitive and cheerful.

I made some notes in my journal that year about what I would repeat and what I would do differently. I knew I would forget two years later, the next time I had a Christmas without my son.

This year, I realized it would be helpful to also do this for the years that he is with me on Christmas day. Just because I get to spend Christmas with him, doesn’t mean I am not still co-parenting with his father.

Whether you are a single parent or not, here’s a quick and easy activity you can do to make next year’s holiday season even better than this year:
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by Crystal on November 23, 2012 • 17 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Communicating big ideas to young minds

Written by single parenting contributor Crystal Hadidian.

One of my favorite things about parenting is the challenge to communicate big ideas to a young mind. It isn’t just their limited vocabulary that requires you to get creative.

I just wrote a children’s book based on an experience with my son where using a super hero metaphor proved surprisingly effective. As you can see in the cover image above, it’s called Grey and the Good Attitude Cape.

Let me tell you the full story. Recently, I was in an exceptionally rough season of life with a lot of major transitions. My son and I were both feeling the effects. New apartment, new job, new schedule.

These life events are challenging for any family, and as a single parent, I was incredibly overwhelmed. My son was experiencing the stress of an inconsistent schedule between mommy’s house, helpful friend’s houses, and daddy’s house, and most of his toys were still in boxes.

Neither of us were sleeping well and we were both disappointed about not getting enough quality time together. The (at the time) three year old and his mommy were cranky.

I was floundering, trying to find a way to not only set a good example, despite exhaustion, but to also explain in words to a three year old that you can choose to be nice and thankful, even when things are hard.

I wanted to communicate that having a positive attitude is a choice. It doesn’t mean that you pretend you’re not disappointed or tired. It doesn’t mean that wanting more time to play with mommy is a bad thing.

It just means, that even when you can’t have what you want or need, you can still choose to use nice words when you ask for more milk or help with your shoes.

And just as important, when you realize you’re not having a good attitude, you can stop and change it. As I say in the book, “it takes strength to be kind even when you’re frustrated.”
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