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avatar by on April 12, 2013   •   51 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

Parenting a boy, not a herd

His backpack was packed a week in advance. And the questions lasted as long too.

How long is the plane ride? Is there food on the plane? What hotel are we staying at? How late can I stay up? What does a road manager do?

My wife, Becky, is good about spending time with each of our kids individually. She sits at the art table and draws with Penelope (age eight). She lays in bed with Gabriella (age 12) and talks about school, faith, feelings, boys. Becky reads books with Sambhaji (age six) and destroys Gresham (age 10) in intense Skipbo matches.

But as our family has grown, I’ve treated my children more like a herd than four individuals. Sure, I spend time with them one-on-one, but usually when I play games or go out to eat or read books, it’s with the whole herd at once.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles Swindoll

I wasn’t always this way. And I wanted to change.
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avatar by on March 15, 2013   •   60 Comments Family Bonding

On taking a regular Screen Sabbath

kids at the lake

Confession: our TV is on almost daily. It’s not on all day, and we’re super selective about what gets watched. We do Netflix and Hulu instead of traditional television, so we’re not inundated with ridiculous ads, and it’s never on just as background noise (music is almost always on when the TV isn’t). We’re big believers in not watching much TV.

But still… there it is. Our TV is on at least for a few minutes, six days per week.

The other day? It’s off—no iffs, ands or buts. The kids know this in advance, we grownups write it on the calendar, and so even though the youngest still asks, “Can I watch a cartoon?” out of habit, the rest of the family knows this TV-free day is written in our weekly calendar.

Games on the smartphones are off-limits, too.

As are the ones on the Internet.

And screens anywhere else, for that matter.

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avatar by on January 21, 2013   •   35 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

Adoption: our family’s journey, continued

colombia-1

The following is a guest post by Katie Fox. Katie first shared about her family’s adoption journey in December 2011. Here is the next installment.

Three years ago, when my husband and I decided to adopt a child, I never envisioned that one day I’d be riding along in a taxi on bumpy, twisty mountain roads in Colombia, South America, half drugged on Dramamine, weak from exhaustion, and just hoping to make it back to the hotel in one piece. But that is where found myself last March.

Our new little girl, Laura*, sat next to me in her car seat. I wondered how she would react to being strapped in (it’s a bit of a novelty there), but thankfully she didn’t mind. She looked out the window with great interest at her surroundings, and as long as I kept up a semi-continuous stream of cookies, she seemed quite content.

Laura and I were traveling from Bogota to her birth city in order to get her new birth certificate, updated with her new name – our family’s name. The adoption had been finalized the day before, and Laura was now officially part of our family.

After two years of paperwork, six weeks in-country, and five weeks in court, we were finally a family of four. Our older daughter, Annie*, was now a big sister; my husband and I were now the parents of two girls. What a magical and tragic and joyous and grief-filled journey, to welcome a child into our family through adoption.
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avatar by on January 2, 2013   •   29 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

The importance of being current

Written by contributor Robin Dance of Pensieve.

A few years ago I learned an invaluable parenting lesson in the most unexpected of Life Classrooms:  a funeral.

From the time I met her in the hospital, Teresa had always been in poor health.  In the few years I knew her, she visited death’s threshhold multiple times, always fighting back for more time.  She and her family had come to terms with her illnesses likely cutting short a long life, but because she was doing relatively well, the timing of her passing came as a surprise.

Her precious daughter, a classmate of my daughter’s, spoke at Teresa’s memorial service.  I was touched by her eloquence and composure during her affecting eulogy, a beautiful tribute to her mother.

Later, I was talking to my daughter about how impressed I was with Cara’s ability to speak with such confidence and composure at the most grievous and emotional of times, especially since she was only 16 and she and her mom were very close.

Rachel understood why, learning the secret to Cara’s strength when she had visited her the night before:  there was nothing left unsaid between Cara and her mom.
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avatar by on November 21, 2012   •   26 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

Simple solutions for the most complicated time of the year

This week, families around the world officially move into the holiday season. While many of the most magical and meaningful holiday moments involve celebrating with family, it’s the family aspect of the holidays that can often bring tension, stress, and bad feelings.

The who, what, and why of the holidays are easily overtaken by the when and the where. Enjoying time with loved ones seems like a peaceful proposition, but it all too often gets very complicated!

I certainly don’t propose that I have all of the answers, but I think sometimes it helps just to hear how other families navigate the question “Where will we spend the holidays this year?”

1. Establish your boundaries

This is the foundation for all of the decisions you will make for the holiday season. It’s also the most powerful and empowering part of this process because your holiday boundaries may be the only part of the season that you are able to control.
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