Kids: Developing Character

by Crystal on May 24, 2013 • 9 Comments Kids: Developing Character

Two poems about single parenting

Today, I wanted to share two poems about my experience of single parenting. These poems chronicle the strange adjustment from being married to becoming a single parent, and how that affects both your children and your own ideas and habits about parenting.

The first poem, “Happy,” was written during lots of upheaval, when my son was very young and the going-back-and-forth between mommy and daddy was not yet routine. It’s better now, but for a while there, every exchange was heartbreaking.

I don’t have any tips to impart to make that easier. It’s just hard on everyone.

It’s like the extreme version of ending an awesome play date. Any kid has a hard time leaving somewhere he’s having fun and feeling good. Even if both homes are positive and loving, the transition can be challenging.

I think the best thing we can do for our kids in this situation is just acknowledge aloud that we understand it’s hard to leave one home and go to another. Instead of trying to convince them it’s not a big deal to get them to calm down, communicate that it IS a big deal.
[Read more...]

by Robin Dance on May 10, 2013 • 20 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Everyday mentors and village people

I was a bystander this time, an observer, learning a lesson again I am so quick to forget:

Words are powerful and persuasive and have the capacity to change lives.

I know this, I even live it, but watching and witnessing a relative stranger speak wisdom into my teen son’s life, I saw it fresh, new. The conversation’s effect was palpable–you could almost see wheels turning in my boy’s head.

We were at the periodontist’s office, a consultation for upcoming dental surgery. Because Dr. M had treated my daughter a few years ago, we were already acquainted. I remembered how much I appreciated his chair-side manner, but I had forgotten how likeable and engaging he was.

Dr. M, cordial but professional to me, directed his attention toward my son. Thomas was wearing clothes for soccer, since he’d leave his appointment and go straight to practice.
[Read more...]

by Robin Dance on March 27, 2013 • 68 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Parenting teens: consequences, peer pressure and making a way out

Two painful truths I’ve learned in parenting teens are:

good kids “do” (where the “do” manifests itself in many ways, shapes, and forms), and
your children will make choices that disappoint you.

This shouldn’t come as any big surprise, but when (not if) something happens, we’re still bewildered.

Maybe all the signs were there, but you missed them. Work or marital issues or financial stresses or any number of distractions are blinding. And sometimes we simply don’t see what we don’t want to see.

Hear me clearly: this is no message of condemnation or finger pointing; it’s one of understanding, and, if you’re willing to receive it as intended, cautionary counsel. It’s at minimum a foolish posture to presume “My child would never do that!” – and potentially dangerous.

Disappointing choices come in broad spectrum, from academic under-achieving to zany videos on youtube. The consequences are equally diverse.

One of the most important goals in parenting is training your children to consider the consequences of their choices before making decisions, followed by allowing them to bear the consequences of poor decisions without bailing them out.
[Read more...]

by Sarah Mae on January 8, 2013 • 25 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

8 ways to nurture a child’s soul

The following is a guest post from Sarah Mae.

I am a nurturer of souls, and so are you.

We moms (and really, all people) have the opportunity to influence the souls of the children in our care. It can feel overwhelming, just thinking about what that means; that we are capable of cultivating a whole life, beginning in the inner most parts of a being. It’s staggering, really, what we are capable of if we are intentional and loving.

In pondering the significance of our influence, I’d like to offer a few ways you can nurture a child’s soul.

Be a sorter of their tangles.

How tender is a young heart, and how easily wounds fester. I’m 32 and I wonder at the wounds in my own heart. I feel more untangled now than ever; freedom is all over me because I have understanding – I’ve lived and I’ve fought for freedom.

My little ones, they don’t understand the fullness of forgiveness and brokenness and pain and injustice. They haven’t lived enough. It’s confusing for them; they just know how they feel. I’m the sorter-outer.

We, us mamas and daddies, we’re the ones who have to keep at the sorting. We must keep on listening, really listening, discerning, and teaching our babes so they can be open to freedom. With compassion, patience, and time we give ourselves to the work of sorting the heart strings so one day they’ll be open to having them tied up new and beautiful.
[Read more...]

by Crystal on December 26, 2012 • 13 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

How to make next Christmas even better

Written by single parenting contributor Crystal Hadidian.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas yesterday! For some families, there may be another Christmas celebration today or later in the week with more friends or relatives. I wish you continued blessings, whatever your holidays may look like.

This year, my son was with me on Christmas and will be spending time with his father later in the week. Last year was my first Christmas without my son. Not my first Christmas as a single parent, but my first Christmas where my son was with his father and not his mother.

I think I handled it pretty well, because I was careful to plan in advance some ways to make the actual day of Christmas extremely meaningful, and not depressing. For me, this included starting the morning off at a monastery for some reflection and solitude, and then ending the day with close friends who were both sensitive and cheerful.

I made some notes in my journal that year about what I would repeat and what I would do differently. I knew I would forget two years later, the next time I had a Christmas without my son.

This year, I realized it would be helpful to also do this for the years that he is with me on Christmas day. Just because I get to spend Christmas with him, doesn’t mean I am not still co-parenting with his father.

Whether you are a single parent or not, here’s a quick and easy activity you can do to make next year’s holiday season even better than this year:
[Read more...]