About Shaun

Shaun Groves writes about the ups and downs of fatherhood and how he manages to stay sane in spite of (or maybe because of?) being a dad. Shaun is a dad of three and travels the world singing and speaking on behalf of Compassion International. He is also his household’s reigning Candyland champion.

by Shaun on April 12, 2013 • 52 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

Parenting a boy, not a herd

His backpack was packed a week in advance. And the questions lasted as long too.

How long is the plane ride? Is there food on the plane? What hotel are we staying at? How late can I stay up? What does a road manager do?

My wife, Becky, is good about spending time with each of our kids individually. She sits at the art table and draws with Penelope (age eight). She lays in bed with Gabriella (age 12) and talks about school, faith, feelings, boys. Becky reads books with Sambhaji (age six) and destroys Gresham (age 10) in intense Skipbo matches.

But as our family has grown, I’ve treated my children more like a herd than four individuals. Sure, I spend time with them one-on-one, but usually when I play games or go out to eat or read books, it’s with the whole herd at once.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles Swindoll

I wasn’t always this way. And I wanted to change.
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by Shaun on October 24, 2012 • 44 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

How a singer balances travel and family

Written by Shaun Groves.

It’s the question I’m asked most on the road. When women find out I’ve got a family back at home they wonder…

“How do you do it?”

Behind the question are legitimate concerns about a father not being there for his kids’ soccer games, a wife worn out from raising four children alone, a marriage losing heat from too many days and nights spent miles apart.

I’ve made my living as a singer and public speaker for twelve years now. These days I’m in 80 cities annually. And while you’re not likely to be soft rocking across America for a living anytime soon, someone in your house may be a bit of a traveler too – if not year round then for a season now and then.

How do we do it? How do we keep our families together – and thriving – when mom or dad are on the road?

My wife and I didn’t do it well at all in the beginning.
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by Shaun on August 1, 2012 • 137 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Parenting a child with anxiety

Written by fatherhood contributor Shaun Groves.

Mrs. Roosth was tall and gaunt, uncomfortably quiet, with small eyes and angry hands.

I leaned back too far in my chair and landed with a thump on the classroom floor. She wrapped her bony fingers around my arm, yanked me up to my feet and just about threw me into the nearest corner to stand for the rest of the day. A few hours. I was in the first grade.

My stomach hurt. My muscles spasmed in my back. My chest grew tight. I thought I might die. But I didn’t say a word.

That’s my earliest memory of serious anxiety. But not my last. Or worst.

I missed a Homecoming dance in high school because anxiety so debilitated me that I couldn’t stand and walk.

I was so heavily medicated on my wedding day that I slept through the first night of the honeymoon!

I turned down my first offer of a record deal because I fear traveling. And just the worrying about it doubled me over in pain and sent me to bed for the better part of a day.

But since eventually signing that record deal, I’ve traveled to around 100 cities every year for twelve years. As a musician and speaker I’ve stood on stage and done my thing in front of tens of thousands of people. Sometimes all at once. As a spokesperson for Compassion International, I’ve traveled to ten developing countries with questionable airplanes, eaten grub worms and guinea pig, and lunched with posh dignitaries and mobs of slum children.

No more debilitating anxiety. How’d that happen? And how can we as parents stave off the anxiety of our children?
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by Shaun on May 9, 2012 • 111 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Six things adoption has taught me

Written by fatherhood contributor Shaun Groves.

Just six of the zillion things adoption has taught me:

1. Generosity is simple.

In 2007, I visited an Ethiopian orphanage, trying not to make eye contact with any of the little ones around me in need of a father. I’ve always found avoidance to be the surest way to never feel bad about saying “no.” My brother-in-law, who was adopting from Ethiopia, was there with me. “Maybe we’ve made it too complicated,” he said. (I knew by “we” he meant “me.”) “What if God’s will for our life is found wherever someone’s need and our ability intersect?”

Today, if I don’t look away, I’m bound to see someone with a need that matches my ability.
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by Shaun on February 17, 2012 • 61 Comments Kids: Developing Character Your Family

Why I argue in front of my kids (sometimes)

Written by fatherhood contributor Shaun Groves.

In my nineteen years at home with mom and dad I never saw them argue. If my parents fought at all it must have happened behind closed doors.

So when Becky and I had our first fight, while we were still dating, I said and did whatever would make it stop. I said I was wrong but I didn’t believe that was true. I thought if we fought she wouldn’t love me. I thought peace was a lack of conflict, not the hard won result of real resolution.

Over the years, Becky taught me how to make genuine peace. She assured me that mistakes will be made, disagreements will happen. That friction is inevitable but not fatal. That love outlasts. That she would never abandon or punish me. And, in the safety of her affirmations, in the ring of our shared commitment, she’s fought with me for the last nineteen years.

I’m quite good at it now. And I want my kids to be too.

I don’t want them to be passive aggressive. To lock themselves in the bathroom and refuse to come out. To withhold affection or conversation until they get their way. To scream or threaten, call names, roll eyes, sling sarcasm, storm out, cave in, endure abuse or strike back.

I want my kids to become adults who fight well.

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