Written by relationships columnist Corey Allan of Simple Marriage.

Here’s one of the biggest pieces of relationship advice presented in books and websites: To have a great marriage you must learn how to compromise.

So that we’re all on the same page, the dictionary defines compromise as: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.

Sounds great … on paper. But when you get right down to it, in most every marriages, people don’t compromise, they cave.

If you’re working to create a great story in your life and marriage, then central to that goal is resisting the temptation to compromise on things that are most important. Things like your values and your identity.

Put another way—if you’re working towards creating a great life and marriage, should you lower your standards to accomplish it?

And put yet another way, a great life and marriage are the result of a person living from the best in themselves and by defending what’s true and right. This is never about compromise. So if you’re better off not compromising yourself to yourself, you certainly aren’t better off compromising with your spouse.

After all, isn’t your spouse the one person with whom you’re supposed to share what’s true and right? And how can doing what’s truly best for you personally also not be what’s truly best for your marriage?

In case you haven’t figured out, I don’t believe in compromise.

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Written by relationships columnist Corey Allan of Simple Marriage.

Communication is a factor in every relationship. In fact, it’s so important that in a committed relationship you cannot not communicate. Everything you do, or don’t do, communicates.

When you believe this, your goal shifts—you want to handle the messages from others and clearly say what you mean.

Even so, there are some things when it comes to communication that are just killers in marriage … enter the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

When you understand that there are four seasons in every year, that it’s cold in winter and hot in summer, it’s easier to change your clothes than it is to try and change the season. It’s not possible to change the season—and it’s also not possible to change your spouse—or anyone else you know and love.

It’s only possible to change yourself. Is it possible you might need to change the way you communicate in your marriage?

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Written by relationships columnist Corey Allan of Simple Marriage.

Every marriage has conflict. Every relationship has conflict as well.

John Gottman, one of the leaders in the field of marriage research, has discovered that the majority of marital conflicts are perpetual in nature. They’re continual and repeated. In fact, 69% of all marital problems fall into this category.

Now before throw up your hands in frustration, hear me out.

There are many areas in marriage where you’re simply not going to agree. Here’s a few:

• One of you wants to have children (or X number of kids), while the other says they’re not ready, or are happy with the current number of kids.
• One of you wants sex far more frequently that the other.
• You want to raise your children Baptist, while your spouse wants them to be raised Catholic.
• Your spouse is lax about housework and rarely does his or her share until you nag, igniting anger.
• Or one of the bigger issues — one of you is a saver with money and the other is a spender.

Problems in marriage are inevitable. The question is — can you remain satisfied in your marriage in spite of differences? Can your marriage thrive when there are differences between you?

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