2009 July | Simple Mom

by Tsh on July 31, 2009 • 114 Comments Personal Growth You

The great myth

I get asked frequently how I do it all. Which makes me and my husband laugh. It would probably also make my children laugh, if they could understand what that meant.

I’m sure the inquirers don’t mean to imply that I literally do it all, but it’s a subtle message to me that in some way, I somehow convey on this blog that I do “it” all. It’s simply not true.

Sure, I do a lot. I choose to write frequently on this blog and others, to accept a book offer and write it, to cook from scratch, to occasionally sew, to homeschool my preschooler, to work part-time as a web designer for a non-profit organization, to take regular care of our home, and to generally do those marvelous daily things that make up the roles of wife and mom. I also enjoy being a friend, daughter, sister, and main correspondent for the family as we live overseas.

Wow. That does sound like a lot. But it’s not everything. For everything I do, I don’t do something else. Every choice we make in life is both a choice to do something and a choice to not do something.

When we make the decision to spend time, energy, and money to pursue a task, there’s something else from which we’re subtracting that time, energy, and money. We’re all given 24 hours in a day, a body that requires rest, and a finite number in our bank accounts.

So no, Virginia, I don’t do it all. I do a lot, and I bet you do, too. I bet you choose to do things I don’t do; probably things I’d like to do but just can’t in this season of my life. We all do. None of us does it all.

I don’t grow my own food. I’d love to one day, but for now, we just don’t have the space or the time.
I don’t knit. I don’t know how. I’d love to learn.
I don’t can. I don’t have the equipment or the space to store the canned goods. One day, maybe.
I don’t keep a perfectly clean house. Truly.
I watch almost no TV.
I have a huge pile of books I still haven’t read, and I don’t see any free time on the horizon to tackle them.
I don’t have hours of time to linger over coffee with all the women I want to do so with.
I don’t spend as much time playing with my kids as I want. Or need.
I don’t get enough sleep.
And I definitely don’t work out as much as I need to.

I say these things not to flagellate myself, or to squelch any semblance of a good mood. I’m simply being honest. We must pursue excellence in our work, but not perfection.

And at the end of the day, we need to trust that God gave us the energy to do those things to which He called us, and no more. Tomorrow is another day to strap on the apron and get back to work, doing what we can.

There’s no reason to feel defeated at the false notion that there’s someone out there who “does it all.” That person doesn’t exist.

What about you? What don’t you do?

by Corey on July 29, 2009 • 113 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

How to build a great blanket fort

Photo by Hamed Saber

This week I’m going to deviate slightly from the marriage relationship angle and focus on the parent-child side of things.

As the lone male columnist here at Simple Mom, I thought it may be helpful as the dog days of summer are upon us to write up a “how to” on one of the great indoor activities — building a blanket fort. This is a great way to engage your children in imaginative play, especially on extremely hot or rainy days.

Blanket forts can be even more fun by adding friends or sleeping all night inside the fort.

There are many ways to create a blanket fort. The simplest, by far, is made by draping a king or queen size sheet over a kitchen or dining room table. More room can be added by turning the chairs with their backs facing the table and drape the sheet over the chairs as well.

Another easy fort to create involves bunk beds – hang a sheet by tucking it under the top mattress and cover the bed below. The end of the bed can be covered by a towel or small blanket… and voila – you have a fort!

Now that the elementary building is over, it’s time to move on to the next level. And before you ask my qualifications for such instructions, allow me to provide some — I’m male (yes, women can build awesome forts as well), and I’ve built hundreds of forts for my children. And as a child, I even lived in one for an entire summer — it had two rooms, beanbag chairs, a bed, a small fridge, and a TV.

Supplies:

Blankets, sheets, or quilts — and for added versatility, include a couple of fitted sheets
Pillows
Chairs
Tables, a sofa, or a bed — something as a main anchor
Clothespins or tape

Prep work and safety

After you’ve gathered all the supplies, you’ll need to prepare the space for construction. Look for a large space close to large furniture or a bed to use as a main anchor point. You’ll also need to clear out any breakable or valuable objects, as forts tend to be demolished once the children are tired of the creation.

You’ll also want to stay away from small tables or pieces of furniture that could fall over on the kids while they play.

SH103704
Photo by Tsh

Building an awesome fort

Step 1

After you’ve located your space, spread a large sheet over the anchor piece of furniture, like the back of a sofa or the top of a table — in my house we’ve used our piano.

A handy tip: if you are using the back of a sofa as an anchor, use a fitted sheet to hold it more securely.

Step 2

Spread the sheet out and drape it over other pieces of furniture. Use additional sheets and blankets to add more room in the fort. You can either overlap the sheets as they drape over the anchors, or secure them with clothespins or tape (you can also anchor down the corners and sides with heavy objects or books, although it’s not recommended as they could be pulled down on the kids as they play).

Step 3

Bring in chairs or a tall support of some kind to prop up the middle of the sheet. You can use a tri-pod, a bar stool, or another sofa. Avoid using lamps or other objects that may easily fall over. Wherever you see sags in the sheets, simply bring in another chair or support to get the sheet to the desired height.

For advanced builders only: Mount removable 3M hooks in the ceiling, drop string from them, and attach clothespins or potato chip clips to the end of the string. Then clip the blanket or sheet to the clips in order to create a floating ceiling.

Step 4

Once the roof is up, use the extra blankets or pillows to fill in the gaps. You may not get every gap covered — no worries, just use that gap as another door or window.

Step 5

Create a front entrance. No fort is complete without a main door. You can use a pillows, or if you want to really get into it, use a cardboard box as a tunnel entrance.

Photo by Guy Schmidt

Step 6

Stock it with necessary supplies. This will include whatever age appropriate toys or items your kids want: stuffed animals, sleeping bags, flashlights, puzzles, flat screen TV with DVD player, cold beer and pretzels (oh wait — those last few are my supplies). You get the idea.

Step 7

Step back and enjoy your awesome creation. It’s time to play.

One final tip: get in the fort with your kids. Let them be in charge of the play. It can be a great experience together.

Did I miss anything? Add your tips and advice in the comments.

by Tsh on July 27, 2009 • 58 Comments Productivity You

Back to the basics: create a weekly routine

Art by Ali Edwards

One of the great things about working from home — whether it’s soley focusing on home management and your kids, or if it’s to bring in additional income alongside your work at home — is that you can set your own schedule. No clocking in, no hectic board meetings, no fighting traffic.

But the flip side of that coin is that your work at home can unintentionally take a back seat with too lax a schedule. Or no schedule at all. Waking up with no agenda can all too easily mean a day spent in your pajamas, with no aim and no direction.

That’s why I think it’s incredibly helpful to create a loosely-held, penciled-in routine to my week at home. On Sunday evenings, I like to sit down with a cup of tea and, with my husband, chat about the week ahead — what’s on our dockets, what errands need running, and a quick financial update.

From this discussion, I then create a basic routine for my week. I say basic, because it is so important that I don’t hold this schedule as gospel. Things change, lunch plans are forgotten, and kids need last-minute doctor’s appointments. But if I know there’s a basic routine to my week, I can approach my days with purpose and direction.

Write down this week’s routine, so that you can start the habit of making a loosely-held schedule each week.

Mostly you, since it’s your routine. But check with your spouse to see if they have any appointments that affect you, and if there’s anything you can add to your week that can be of service to them.

Not too long; around 30 minutes or so. You may fiddle with a program or outline at the beginning, but once you find your groove, you just fill it out each week, and you’re good to go in a matter of minutes.

Chatting with your spouse about your upcoming week, and then crafting a basic routine for your week, either with pen and paper, or on the computer. Then hang it somewhere where you’ll see it often.

A do-able, flexible, predictable flow to your days, so that you have purpose and vigor in your work at home, and so you’ll know each morning what your day is about. Also, it’ll help you have more quality down time, because it will be intentional.

Ideas for creating a weekly routine at home

• I like to carve out my day in chunks of activities, rather than set-in-stone blocks of time. I do my best to wake up around the same time every day, and we do our best to eat breakfast at the same time so that my husband can start his work, but after this, we prefer to stick to a flowing routine rather than a specific schedule.

• I use my weekly checklist to check off things that need doing for the week. Then, when I pick out a few tasks for each day, it’s less overwhelming than looking at one big list with a lot to do.

• It’s good to eat your frog first thing. I also like to schedule in tasks that require more energy when my body has the most energy — soon after breakfast, in my case. Then I focus on lower-energy tasks in the mid-afternoon, when my energy level is at its lowest. Basically, I work with my natural rhythms, instead of fighting them.

• I “clock out.” A mom never stops being a mom, of course, but once the kids are in bed, it’s good to have a little quality down time with your spouse or by yourself, so that you’re recharged for the next day’s work. It’s hard to do, I know, when you finally get some free time to pick up the mess and finish folding the laundry. But have a cut-off time, so that you don’t lose your mind with your never-ending to-do list. The laundry can wait for tomorrow.

• Write it down. You can create your routine in Google Calendar, in Excel, or on a scrap of looseleaf paper. Whatever you choose, though, keep it visible throughout the day, and keep it user-friendly. Don’t make it so complicated that it’s unreadable.

• Hold to it loosely. Be flexible, as your schedule will almost certainly change a few times. And that’s okay — it’s there to serve you, not the other way around.

A typical week for me

Below is a screenshot of my weekly routine I have in my Google Calendar. Yes, it has times attached to it, but that’s just because of the particular program. The only times I adhere to are the items in brown. You can click to enlarge it, if you like.

Your assignment

Before the end of the day, craft out a simple schedule for this week. Include all your work responsibilities, and perhaps add some personal things you want to make sure and do (exercise, free reading time, or a particular bedtime, perhaps).

Do you enjoy having a predictable routine? What makes your days at home run smoother?

by Tsh on July 24, 2009 • 26 Comments Family Bonding Your Family

Maximize your staycation with preschoolers

Photo by Lindsey T

It’s good to be back to a regular routine starting today, though we really did have a great family vacation and staycation. We went to the beach for a few days, and hit up the nearby water park, but other than that, we stayed home.

Staycation is the latest buzzword — it means what it sounds like, a vacation you take at home. In order to deal with increasing gas prices, staycations have become a great alternative for those families who would otherwise not take time away from real life at all. And since gas is nearing $14 where we live, a staycation was a must this summer.

The problem with staycations, however, is that it’s tough to leave your real life. While it’s nice to not pack, deal with traffic, or juggle kids in the airport, it’s a challenge to pretend like you’re away, when really, you’re not. You can see the dishes in the sink, the incoming bills, and the remnants of usual day-to-day life, so it does take some effort to get into vacation mode.

It can be worth it, though. When we priced transportation, hotels, and food even just a few hours away, we figure we saved almost $1,000 staying in our own place and vacationing in town.

Here are a few tips to have a successful staycation, especially with small children.

Write a list of things you want to do, and decide on a general schedule of when to do them.

It’s easy to let time get sucked away when you’re on familiar territory. Cleaning out the closet can still happen when your vacation is over — don’t let that take priority over relaxing with your family (unless, of course, that’s really something you want to do).

Make sure that list has at least one thing everyone would enjoy doing.

If you’re like us, the things the adults want to do (read at Starbucks, sleep in) are not the same things the preschoolers want to do (play at the park, watch Ratatouille eleven times). But it’s everyone’s vacation, so it’s best if everyone gets to do at least one thing they’d enjoy.

Photo by Randy OHC

You and your spouse take sleeping in shifts.

Sure, in an ideal world, you both could sleep in until 10 a.m. and read the paper in your bathrobes while munching on breakfast in bed. In the real world, your baby is ready to go at 7 a.m., and the three-year-old will pour herself apple juice over chocolate chips for breakfast unsupervised. My husband and I flip-flopped the morning shifts, so we both got to sleep in at least a few days.

Have plenty of snacks and easy meals on hand.

I took the week off of menu planning, but if we weren’t careful, it would be too easy to eat out way more than was necessary. Having bread and sandwich makings in the fridge was so helpful, so that we could easily pack lunches when we left. Plenty of fruit, crackers, carrot sticks, raisins, and peanut butter made healthy snacks, for both the 30-somethings and the preschoolers.

Keep up with basic housework.

You’re on vacation, but still keep somewhat up to speed on dishes and laundry. There’s no need to scrub the house top to bottom, but still wash your clothes and clean the dishes as you go. It’s a bummer to take a break from the fun in order to catch up. If everyone pitches in a little each day, these things shouldn’t be too cumbersome.

Stay flexible.

This is one of the beauties of a staycation. If you wake up and decide you’d rather rent a movie and do a craft together in your pajamas, you can. The local museum will still be there tomorrow, or next month, really.

Photo by Mangus Franklin

Schedule in some recovery days.

Don’t plan too much, and for those all-day events, spread them out for the sake of the little ones. If they’re sunburned, exhausted, and whiny, the odds are, you’re not going to have as much fun. Take a day to chill, head to the library, play in the sprinkler in the backyard, and make a fun dessert.

Be brave.

Even though you’re in the city where you live, do something out of the ordinary. It’s easy with small children to rule out a lot of options, chalking it up to nap or bedtimes. On a staycation, it’s okay for your kids to stay up late for the sake of something special every now and then.

Do that thing in your town you’ve always heard was fun. If your kids are a basket case by the end, make the next day a Recovery Day.

Don’t let finances, time, or exhaustion at the thought of packing for a vacation stop you from spending good quality time together as a family. You’ll make memories, you’ll get a chance to reconnect, and you’ll remember what’s really important in life, all without leaving your home.

Do you have a vacation planned for the last half of the summer? How about a staycation? What are some things you’ve enjoyed together as a family?

by Maya on July 22, 2009 • 40 Comments Money Management You

10 ways to prevent overspending

Photo by Ludovic Bertron

Bargain shopping is great for finding great deals on items. Yard sales are a wonderful place to save tons of money and still find what we want. But how often do you walk into a sale “just to browse” and walk out with a bunch of things that you probably did not need just because they were a “good deal”?

I was a victim of a buy 4 get 5! bargain just a couple of weeks ago. I really only needed three items at $10 each, but I walked out with five items for $40. Lost $10 and gained two items I had no need for -– just to get a “good deal”.

As I thought about my spending behavior that day, I started to notice a number of reasons we overspend, when in reality, we are most earnestly trying to save money.

Here are some pointers to make sure you do not become a victim of slick marketing — or even your own good intentions.

1. Plan – Know what you need and want.

Not knowing what exactly I need is the most common reason I overspend. A quick run into the grocery store turns into a big bag of “nice-to-haves” every single time I let my mind estimate what my pantry needs.

Plan as many of your purchases as possible. Planning your weekly menu really helps with grocery shopping. Plan your gifts ahead of time so you can take actually take advantage of sales by buying the things you really need.

While I use Remember the Milk to organize my lists online, I always have a running pen-and-paper list handy. Paper lists really help to ensure I do not miss capturing the things that come to mind while I feed my kids, shower them, and so on.

2. Compare – Do your comparison shopping.

As prudent spenders, comparison-shopping is a prerequisite to smart spending. With great tools online, it is getting easier and faster to comparison shop.

I like sites such as Bizrate to check on prices of a number of things. Even if you do not shop on Amazon, it’s a great place to check the range of prices and reviews on things you want to buy.

Make a habit of searching your newspaper fliers for your weekly grocery items. Most recently, I have started using Bing, a site that compares prices and even estimates probability of prices going up/down on travel deals.

3. Budget – Set a financial limit.

A couple of times every year, I let myself just enjoy shopping for myself without a plan. Without a budget or an upper limit on these kinds of purchases, I am always likely to overspend. No matter what kind of spending, always budget for it, so you have an upper limit for every thing.

You can set a limit for your shopping in a number of ways. Use the envelope system, buy yourself a gift card for a certain amount of money, or use the zero-based budgeting system. Knowing that I will certainly NOT overspend even makes for a more enjoyable shopping experience for me.

4. Use cash – Credit cards are dangerous.

Photo by Martin Kingsley

Pulling your card out too many times could desensitize you to the money you are spending every single time you swipe your card. In order to prevent that, be sure to keep cash handy. Pay by cash as much as possible – it hurts more and feels like real money when you hand out those notes.

My husband considers it a little strange, but I have an online pay system set up where I need to approve all the payments before they go out. It is way for me to make sure I am consciously aware and take a moment to reflect on some of the spending in the past month.

5. Save first, spend later – Put away money before you spend.

When I got my first job, it took me a while to understand that savings is not the money that I am left with after I am done spending. In fact, my spending money is what I get after I am done putting a certain amount of money into savings.

By having more spending money, you are more likely to spend more. Be sure to challenge yourself to save as much as reasonably possible. In fact, put away a little more than the last month every time.

6. Keep busy – Fill your day with interesting activities.

Boredom was often the cause of my spending before I had my kids. This has changed quite a bit since I had kids, and shopping or strolling in shopping areas became more and more inconvenient.

Keep a deck of index cards on your table, in your car, or in your bag with activities written on them. Browse these cards when you are bored or need to find something to do with your kids. We keep a deck of cards in our car with ideas for childrens’ activities, and it helps us immensely.

Regular exercise also is a great way to prevent shopping out of boredom –- be it online or in real life. Use websites such as Meetup or Twtvite to find local people meeting around interests and passions.

7. Be rational – Emotional spending is almost always bad.

Every time I shop for food when I am hungry, I buy at least three items because my stomach (and not my mind) thought I needed it. I rarely shop when I feel low, but my buys prior to vacations are rather impulsive — a sign of my excited anticipation rather than fulfilling a need. A lot of my online buying decisions are often bad ones when they’re made under the stress of being late on a gift.

Be sure to understand your types of emotional spending. Most often, just understanding those patterns help you become more rational.

8. Be creative and flexible – There is very little you absolutely need.

Photo by M.A. Enriquez

Shopping with two little kids is incredibly hard. That, in turn, has made me rather creative. Before, I’d run to the store with a list of things to buy -– complete with art kits for every little project I had. Only recently have I realized how much I was spending by not re-purposing the craft material I already had.

These days, I heavily improvise with cooking recipes and crafts for kids. I often use our recycle bin as a craft resource. It is a lot more fun for the kids to find craft material at home than out at the local craft store.

9. Think experiences – Enrich your life without the “stuff.”

Buying gifts is great, but I have recently started gifting experiences to myself and the people that matter.

Make videos for people and share them online. Create a photobook for family and friends after they have visited you. Life gets richer with experiences, rather than commodities that cost money and pile up the junk at home.

10. Negotiate – Understand that you have a right to save your money.

Negotiating is not about fleecing another person. You have the right to seek out a good deal. Negotiating is not the same as haggling –- you lose nothing and often save more than a few pennies to put back into your savings account.

What tricks do you use to prevent yourself from overspending?