The basics behind a budget that works

I used to get easily frustrated when I tried my hand at a family budget. I’d never be able to predict the right amounts for the right line items, and out of sheer frustration, I’d quit before we’d even give the poor budget a decent shot.

It wasn’t until several years of failed budgeting attempts later that I discovered that the reason my method wasn’t working was because I was trying to create a perfect, master budget. I was hoping for some pie in the sky, magical budget that represented what I wished reflected family finances, instead of it being a tool that actually worked for us.

In short, I wasn’t creating a new budget each month. I was creating a random master budget for an entire year.

What is a budget?

A budget is simply telling your money where to go. It isn’t restricting you from having fun, nor is it sentencing you to spend money where you’d rather not. Your money will already be going somewhere. Planning ahead with a budget is taking charge of your finances, not letting your finances be in charge of you.

Why a monthly budget?

A monthly budget — or bi-monthly, if that works better with your family’s pay schedule — is so important because your financial needs and goals change all the time. This was true in our life back when I was shooting for a master budget, but I wasn’t admitting it. I was unintentionally thinking that the eventual goal was to have a whole year of predictable months, with the same needs, the same amounts for each bill, and with no unexpected expenses.

But what about those months when the quarterly insurance premium is due?

Or when the electric bill is higher in the summer because of air conditioning?

Or in February, when we have a lot of family birthdays?

A monthly budget addresses these things, and it allows you the flexibility to shift your money around as needed. I prefer using a zero-based budget method, where our income minus expenses always equals zero. Every dollar has a name.

Breaking it down

A budget should more or less have the same categories each month, even if you don’t always fill those categories with money. The main types of categories you should have are:

  • Income
  • Regular expenses, and
  • Irregular expenses

Make sure and account for any type of income, not just your paycheck. As an example, our family’s categories under “income” are:

  • paycheck
  • book advance
  • gift received
  • blog
  • surplus from previous month
  • work advance, and
  • work reimbursements

Again, very rarely are these all filled, but it helps jog my memory as I plan each month.

Your regular expenses are pretty much what you think of as expenses — utilities, rent or mortgage, groceries, entertainment, and the like. If you’re following Dave Ramsey’s plan, like us, you’d also include your allotment for whatever step you’re on — your debt snowball if you’re on step 2; contribution to savings if you’re on step 3.

And don’t forget free spending money.
My husband and I intentionally give ourselves a set amount of cash we each get to keep in our wallets and spend on whatever we choose. It’s not much money, but it’s enough for a coffee here and there, a magazine when we see one, or whatever. It curbs your appetite for random spending, and it helps you keep to the budget.

It’s important to plan for irregular expenses as well — these are funds that you don’t need each month, but you want to set aside for them regularly so that you have enough cash when you need it. These are also called sinking funds. Some of our family’s sinking funds are:

  • books
  • Christmas
  • clothing
  • gifts and holidays
  • haircuts
  • medical (insurance deductible)
  • vacation
  • work expenses

In a sense, these become regular expenses because we set aside the same amount each month for these items. At the beginning of the year, we decided how much we’d spend for Christmas, and simply divided that number by 12. Each month, we have our checking account at ING Direct
automatically withdraw money into separate savings accounts for these different items. Once it’s set up, it’s a no-brainer — we save each month for Christmas without thinking about it.

A word about giving

We take off funds for giving from the top. It’s not even in our budget, because we don’t budget it at all — it’s gone before we allot the remaining money into different categories. We don’t see it as our money, we see it as God’s, so for us, we automatically take a set percent off our income and put it into a savings account called “giving.” From this, we tithe to our church, and we give according to needs and desires that arise.

Planning Your Budget

If you don’t work from a budget, I encourage you to do so. In a way, you already are, you just may not be aware of it. Your money’s going somewhere; writing it down into a budget form simply allows you to premeditate where it should go. A few tips as you prepare:

• Use a tool that works with your style.
I use Pear Budget, and I like it so much because it doesn’t have things I don’t need. It’s simple. A pen and paper might be more your style — it doesn’t really matter.

• Don’t expect it to work perfectly the first time, or at any time.
This is an easy mistake, and one that can cause you to think you’re doing something wrong. You’re not. It takes awhile to get the hang of knowing how much money to allot for different line items, and there are plenty of times when your needs change mid-month. Stay flexible.

• Work with your pay periods. If you get paid more than once a month, perhaps it’s easier if you create a different budget for each paycheck, setting aside a percentage for those monthly bills. Do what works for you, so that you’ll do it.

• Don’t be under-specific, but don’t be too specific.
It’s easy to have a subcategory for every single need. It’s also easy to generalize. Find a happy medium.

• Account for everything you’re spending, and give it a name. Don’t have a category called “miscellaneous.”

Have you drafted your July budget yet? What budgeting system works for you and your family?

Weekend links


Photo by Ellen Munro

The Great American Backyard Campout is tonight, June 27! What a fun way to encourage family time in the outdoors, right out your back door. I hope you join in the fun.

“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.” - Sam Keen

Steps for organizing… life


Photo by Patrick Kennedy

Reader A.C. writes:

“As a young mom with two toddlers who works full-time, and recently decided to go back to school part-time, I sorely need to get organized! … I spend my down time at work saving sites in ‘Delicous’ that I never go back to. I save lists in Amazon of books that I want to read that I never read, and lists of things/dreams that I would love to do. I am subscribed to a whole bunch of blogs that I am geninuely interested in but never have the time to read.

“My desk at work and carefully hidden boxes at home are filled with piles of papers and ‘stuff’ that never gets put in its proper place. I feel like I spend much of my time looking for things and digging through my purse for something. I have all these ideas that never become anything. …I don’t want my children to experience these frustrations. Do you have any simple suggestions to help this frazzled mom get organized?”

A.C., before I answer your questions, I need you to know that I do not have organization down 100 percent. I’m much better than I used to be, but I still have seasons of chaos and frustration. So when I share these ideas, keep in mind that I don’t do all of them all the time, nor do I know what’s best for every person in every situation.

In reading your question, it sounds like you feel more overwhelmed at being a mom and everything that entails, than you are the nitty gritty details. I completely understand that feeling — what mom doesn’t wake up and think, “I have so much to do today, and I’m not sure I can do it all”?

Here are some ideas that came to mind as I read your question.

First off, focus on one thing at a time.


Photo by Margo C

Our jobs require a lot of hats, and if they all feel overwhelming, only focus on the one you’re wearing. They overlap frequently, but if you ever start telling yourself, “I need to organize my finances, my menu planning, my kids’ educational needs, my holiday decorations, my kids’ toys, my purse, my relationships… Aak!” you’ll quit before you start. No one can focus on all those things at once.

Have a brain dump.

Take a sheet of paper and a pen, and start writing down every little thing that comes through your mind. As you write down one thing, you’ll start thinking of another. I like the mind-mapping technique of brain dumping, which Nick Cernis’ Todoodlist explains very simply.

The basics of a mind-map are to start with one general idea, and then add ideas that stem off that main one you started with. As you add more and more, you’ll end up with a spider web-looking list of things your brain is swimming in.

Here’s an example of a brain dump via mind-mapping:

Pick one area from your brain dump, and start with that.

Since you’re one person, and can focus on only thing at a time, just pick something on your list and start with it. So if you want to start with organizing your finances, look at the sub-ideas that stem from the finances category. Circle the one task you should do first. Do it. If you’ve got “update this month’s accounts,” “create next month’s budget,” “call about the water bill,” and “get cash,” pick the item that affects you the most right now. In this case, it’s probably updating this month’s accounts.

Circle that task, and then sit down to do it immediately. Get rid of anything that will distract you. If you use an online service for budgeting (I use Pear Budget), close out any windows that would distract you, like your email inbox. Focus on it until it’s done. Then cross it off.

Find the tools that help you, and don’t worry about the rest.


Photo by Tom Adriaenssen

There are so many great online tools to help you be more productive, we’ve got the gamut of choices. But pen and paper might be your best choice, if you’re more of a kinesthetic learner or prone to distraction when you’re on the computer. Pick a few tools that will help you stay on task, and use them to your advantage. It sounds like you’ve already got a few under your belt, and that’s good. Here are just a few of mine:

  • As already mentioned, for tracking our family finances, I use Pear Budget.
  • For banking with a decent interest rate, I use ING Direct.
  • For tracking my business expenses and income, I use Outright.
  • For saving recipes I find online, I use Delicious.
  • For saving online items of interest, I either use Delicious or Tumblr, depending on my reason for saving it.
  • To keep track of my family’s ongoing list of things we’d like eventually, I use Wishpot.
  • For my daily to-do list, I use my Daily Docket.
  • For organizing local restaurant menus, keeping track of little papers with notes we need, and holding our paper calendars, I use a simple Home Management Notebook.
  • To organize the kids’ toys, we use a basic bucket-and-shelf system (we got ours from Ikea, but anything will do). We also keep all the toys together in one playroom.

Have one place of storage for each thing in your life.

Don’t save your recipes on index cards near the flour, printed on paper and tucked in a folder, and tucked between the pages of cookbooks. Pick one system, and put everything there.

Don’t keep track of your work calendar on Outlook, your kids’ sports schedule on a printed flyer hanging on the fridge, and your family birthdays on the hanging calendar on the wall. Put everything in one place, and use that as your command central for your schedule. This is the beauty of a home management notebook — everything is in one place.

Don’t let paper rule your life.

Paper clutter is my biggest pet peeve. I can’t stand it. All those little receipts, the half-written notes, the candy wrappers… I cringe just thinking about it. Don’t assume the mantra, “If in doubt, keep it.” That’s not true. We really need to save very little. If in doubt, scan it and save it on a disk.

I recommend investing in a decent scanner, a paper shredder, and possibly a receipt saver like Neat Receipts. Find a workable money management system, and throw away needless receipts as soon as you enter them. You seriously don’t need that Starbucks receipts from 2001.

And in case you’re wondering, the papers you actually need in their original form are:

  • Legal documents, such as birth and marriage certificates and social security cards
  • Mortgage and loan papers — keep these for three years after the payoff date (although many companies offer a paperless version of these — always opt for this if it’s available)
  • Warranty letters, appliance repairs, and records of maintenance for your home and your vehicles.

Things like insurance records, tax information, and medical records can be scanned and saved as a PDF on a disk.

Take care of yourself as you take care of others.


Photo by Zara

I’m a big fan of single-tasking, but you can multi-task those items that can handle it. If you want to infuse a little continuing education in your life, listen to quality podcasts while you work on your finances, reply to emails, or clean the house. Listen to books from Audible. Check out a book from the library and keep it on your nightstand. Make it a habit to read a chapter each night before bed. Always be learning.

Don’t wait for your entire life to be perfectly organized.

When littles are in the house, there’s honestly very little way to have all your ducks in a row, all the time. If they are, they’ll probably stay that way for 20 minutes, until nap time is over. As I write this, I’ve got my lunch plate next to me, my home management notebook on the other side, and random cloth napkins, my laptop case, a doll, some of my husband’s work papers, some drawings, and a few DVDs tossed along the dining room table from which I type.

It annoys me, but I’ve also learned to not let it bother me too much. I’ll clean it up in a minute, and I know it’ll get filled with stuff again in a few hours. I like keeping the perspective that these items tossed hither and yon are footprints of those people in my life I love. This doll that never lives where it’s supposed to is here because of my daughter. And she’s such a blessing in my life. I’ll take her over a perfectly organized home any day.

Remember that life is a journey.

That long wishlist on Amazon? Your bookmarked sites on Delicious? For the most part, they’re not going anywhere. I have a ton of articles and sites on my Delicious account I haven’t read yet, either. And I’ll never be able to read all the books I want. That’s okay! In fact, it’s a sign of life — that you continually want to learn, that you’re proactively seeking improvement and better habits. Don’t let those things stress you. You know how to eat an elephant.

I hope this is an encouragement to you, A.C. Don’t panic! There are many sides to our multi-dimensional role of Mom, and there are seasons when we have a lot going on. It sounds like you might be in one of those seasons.

Take a deep breath, do only what you can do today, and don’t worry about tomorrow. God gives us the strength only for what He has for us. If you go to bed not having done everything you want to do, then perhaps that wasn’t on His agenda to begin with.

What about you, readers? What advice would you give to other moms like A.C., overwhelmed with the many hats we moms wear?

When will he ever stop doing…?


Photo by Sasha Wolff

Every marriage, every relationship, is fraught with perpetual problems and issues. It’s common that I will counsel a couple for several sessions, they reach their desired goals, and leave with renewed hope and energy for the marriage–then come back several years later still arguing about the same issues.

While each person has changed and gained (or lost) a few pounds and wrinkles, they’re still having the same argument. Perhaps you’ve even seen this in your parent’s marriage, or in your grandparent’s. They fought about the same thing their entire life.

One of the leaders in the field of marriage research, John Gottman, has discovered that the majority of marital conflicts are perpetual in nature. In fact, 69% of all marital problems fall into this category.

Now before this is totally deflating to you, hear me out.

There are many areas in marriage where you’re simply not going to agree. Here’s a few:

  1. One of you wants to have children (or X number of kids), while the other says they’re not ready, or are happy with the current number of kids.
  2. One of you wants sex far more frequently that the other.
  3. You want to raise your children Baptist, while your spouse wants them to be raised Catholic.
  4. Your spouse is lax about housework and rarely does their share until you nag them, which makes them angry.

Problems in marriage are inevitable. The question is — can you remain satisfied in your marriage in spite of the differences? Can your marriage thrive when there are differences between you?

Many people have a fairy tale view of marriage. You and your lover will agree on everything and only argue about what movie to rent on Saturday night.

Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive. ~ John Gottman

Problems in marriage are similar to inevitable physical ailments as you age. Back pain, trick knee, tennis elbow, or arthritic hands await us all. Bummer.

I play pick-up games of basketball two to three times a week, and have been doing this for the past 11 years. Now, several sprained ankles and a knee surgery later, I feel the effects of playing more and more. I may not love the effects but I still love to play, so I’ve discovered ways to cope with them, and to avoid things that will worsen them.

Marriage is the same. The perpetual problems that come with every relationship will not go away. Some times it gets better, other times it gets worse.

The key — continue to keep working it out. Acknowledge the problems and talk about it. Your love for each other doesn’t have to be overwhelmed by your differences.

In unstable marriages, perpetual problems are likely going to kill the relationship. Instead of coping, the couple gets gridlocked.

You have the same conversation over and over, resolving nothing. You’re spinning your wheels. And since you’re making no progress, you both may feel more frustrated, hurt or rejected. When this happens, the four horsemen of the apocalypse become ever more present, and humor and affection leave the room.

Problems in marriage will happen. How you address these problems is up to you.

As you face future problems, have a discussion about whether it’s one that fits in the perpetual category, or if it’s solvable. Then spend your time and energy working on the ones you can solve.

Shameless plug warning: I’m beginning a series at Simple Marriage to take this idea even further. If you’re interested in joining us, feel free to subscribe.

What have you discovered that helps you address perpetual problems in marriage?

The clutter you can’t see


Photo by yohe

Last month, a whole herd of us spent two weeks spring cleaning our homes, a few hours a day, using my e-book as a guide. One of the biggest focuses was decluttering–getting rid of all the stuff taking residence in our homes that we just don’t need.

I define clutter as anything you don’t love or need that takes up space, taking cues from one of my favorite quotes:

“Having nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” -William Morris

Now, “beautiful” is subjective–your daughter’s My Little Pony, your son’s rock collection, and your husband’s college t-shirt he wears to bed all may be considered beautiful.

“Useful” is subjective as well, though I’d argue many of us assume an item is useful by predicting its future usefulness. As in, “I don’t want to get rid of this–what if I need it one day?”

And as I always say, if you haven’t used it in the past year, the odds of you needing it are very slim–too slim to honor it with valuable square footage in your living space.

These guidelines–while sometimes challenging and even emotional–are pretty cut-and-dry for a physical space holding physical items. Like our homes.

But what about our lives? What clutter–the kind you can’t see–is taking up precious space in our lives? In ourselves?

If we remember the definition of clutter being anything you don’t love or need that takes up space, I guarantee you many of us have non-material clutter in our lives. And because we’re holding on to these things we don’t need, we’re not allowing room for those things we truly do find beautiful or useful.

Here are just a few examples of life clutter.

1. Relationship clutter

Are you holding on to something unkind your mother-in-law said to you over the holidays? Do you want to reconnect with your college roommate, but feel guilty every time you think of her because it’s been so long since you’ve called? Do you keep saying ‘yes’ to the mom with the extremely difficult child that your own kid doesn’t even like, because you feel sorry that no one else will play with him?

There are plenty of ways we can have relationship clutter. I’m not saying every relationship in our life has to be free of conflict, packed with meaningful conversation, or even be one that isn’t more of a ministry that a two-sided friendship.

But there are times when we are holding on to things in relationships that aren’t useful or beautiful to us–they’re robbing us of joy, and they’re depleting our resources for the relationships that do matter, like with our spouse and kids.

What to do:

Forgive. Confront in love. Bite the bullet and initiate. Be honest. And don’t let secondary relationships interfere with your primary ones, the ones you know are the most important in your life.

2. Time clutter


Photo by Lindsey T

Are you running your kids all over town to extracurriculars, leaving no time to have a family dinner together? Is your calendar so full for the next two weeks that you’re not sure you’ll see your spouse awake and out of bed? Or are you waking up later than your kids, not providing enough time to get ready for the day and have much-needed adult time by yourself? In general, do you feel like your calendar and routine owns you, instead of the other way around?

We all go through seasons of busyness, and many times, those are unavoidable. But to live in a perpetual state of panic, rush, and urgency leaves no time to enjoy life and the things that truly matter to you.

Likewise, when we passively move through life, not developing healthy habits that will help us get more out of life–like making time to pray and journal, get enough sleep, and work diligently on taking care of our home–we’re depriving ourselves and our families of valuable time.

What to do:

Sit down with your spouse and mutually agree on how many squares in your calendar will have something planned for the family’s evening each week. And then stick to it. Keep track of how you use your time for a few days, and use your results to make some changes. Call a spade a spade, and do what you can to make your use of time align with your priorities.

3. Body clutter

Are you consistently running on four hours of sleep a night (and you don’t have a baby in the house)? Does most of your fuel come from a box or wrapped in cellophane, bought from the center aisles of the grocery store? Are you going out of your way to make sure your kids eat their daily allotment of veggies–but not bothering to watch your own? Are you spending most of your day in a sedentary position?

What to do:

Treat your body as the temple it was created to be. Set an example for your kids and move, even just 20 minutes per day. Make sure 80 percent of your diet comes from something that grows in the ground or once ate the ground. And get enough sleep–we all know how important this is, but we’re far more diligent about getting our kids to bed on time than we are ourselves.

4. Mind clutter


Photo by Ian MacKenzie

Are you reading a book most of the time? Would you say most of the information you gather online is directly helpful to your real life? Do you truly enjoy everything you watch on TV, and can you count the number of evenings per week when it’s not even turned on? And if you’re a follower of Jesus, like me, do you take Philippians 4:8 to heart, and dwell on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy?

What to do:

Think of a book you’ve wanted to read for awhile, and check it out at the library. Keep it by your night stand, and diligently read a chapter each night before bed. Go through your feed reader, and keep only those blogs you truly find useful or beautiful. Try to not turn on the TV for a week, and see what else you do with your time. And perhaps find a fellow mom to touch base with weekly (even just on the phone), and keep each other accountable about what your mind dwells on.

The takeaway

I don’t mean for this post to be a bummer. But I do truly believe that when Mom is doing well, the whole family thrives. We all know how easy it is to put us last on the list–and it’s also easy to brush off those things we can’t see in favor of those things right in front of us, like the bills and dinner. Important stuff, I know.

But so are our relationships. And our mental energy. And all those things that contribute to our health and our family’s well-being. Don’t forget about the clutter you can’t see.

Remember, when you get rid of clutter, you’re making room for things you truly love. This is true in our homes and in our lives.

Which of these four types of clutter do you feel the most right now? What are some other types of non-material clutter you’ve experienced?